Tales of a Pregnant Klutz

I know you’re all anxiously awaiting the “It’s a boy/girl!” announcement, but you’ll have to wait just a couple more days for that blog. RJ does, however, take after his Dad. When the doctor tried to get a heartbeat with the doppler, he couldn’t keep up with RJ moving around! So, he turned on the ultrasound to catch a glimpse of the heartbeat. Ryan got to see the baby for the first time, even if it was only a brief glimpse. It was definitely a lot more exciting than a picture that didn’t move! And, to make things a little more exciting, I’m feeling RJ move now. He punched (or kicked, remember, he takes after his Dad) me in the belly Monday night while we were at the movies.

We have an anatomy ultrasound scheduled for this Friday at 2:30, so hopefully we’ll be able to pick out a name and a nursery theme. I got some great ideas today for nursery themes, but wow, is baby stuff expensive… Thank goodness I have an artistically gifted hubby. I found the perfect nursery suite, but it would cost more than our bedroom furniture! Our kid will be spoiled, but not that spoiled.

I don’t know how many mommy’s-to-be have ever had to shop for a formal dress while they were expecting, but it should be against the law to have to wear formal evening wear when you’re pregnant. And, dressing room mirrors should have a skinny function to hide all the pounds you put on when growing a baby. I did manage to find a dress that fit my criteria: 1) Hide the newly widened hips, 2) Have enough room for the belly, 3) Not make me look just fat, 4) Be pretty enough to wear in public, and 5) Not cost a fortune. It only took trying on about 20-something dresses. So much fun when you’re fat and by yourself. I felt like crying afterward. Good thing black is slimming.

To compensate for the pain of having to look at myself in the mirror, I bought a few books on sale at Waldenbooks. If you have one near you, they’re having a huge clearance sale on hardback books: $4.99 for novels, buy two get one free. Now I have entertainment when it’s just me and the weiners, who, by the way, are still not talking back, so there’s not a lot of conversation going on in this house. For the record, RJ doesn’t talk back yet, either (give him 3 years).

Then, once I got home, I gathered all my bags and my McDonald’s trash to head inside. I dropped the trash in the big trashcan outside on my way in and heard a familiar sound… Know that sinking feeling when you’ve done something stupid that you immediately regret? Yup, I dropped the keys in the trash can. And not just any old trashcan, the super-industrial sized kind that the trash company gives you to put on the side of the road! And where do you think they landed? On top, where I could just reach in and grab them? Oh, no, all the way down to the bottom they fell… So, here I was, 4+ months pregnant, standing on the kitchen stepladder with a wire hanger in hand, bent over into the trash can trying desperately to hook the keys like MacGyver would do. I only managed to knock them down another layer of trash deeper. I had to pull out 4 bags of trash, 2 empty sacks of dog food, a sack of rotten potatoes, and an oversized shopping bag full of all the wasted food I cleaned out of the fridge when I got home. THEN, I bent over further into the trash can (from my precarious position on the stepladder), crossed my toes, and went for the keys again with my McGyver hanger. Keep in mind, it smelled like all outside trash cans do. Use your imagination, or you can go see for yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Finally, after 5 more desperate fishing attempts, I managed to hook the keys with the hanger. I swear, I should have my own reality show.


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